An Ode to the Slam Dunk Contest

Oh how far something can fall, then proceed to crash and burn like this little mishap at the Daytona 500 (You bet that's a NASCAR reference. You better save this article because that will be the only NASCAR reference made by me ever. Well unless it's about Danica Patrick's looks. Or another fiery crash...).

Let's meet this year's Dunk Contest Participants:

Derrick "They Needed Someone" Williams, Jeremy "I Wear Braces and Average Less Than 2 Points A Game" Evans, Paul "I Somehow Grew 2 Inches In The Past Year" George, and last and least Chase "I Only Have 6 Dunks This Year" Budinger.

What do all of these players have in common? That's right NONE of them are All-Stars. This leads to my first rule of the Dunk Contest:

1. You have to be an All-Star to compete in the Slam Dunk contest.

Seems pretty reasonable right? The best players get the most highlights because they are able to get on Sportscenter Top 10 on a nightly basis. Just imagine LeBron James, Andre Iguodala, Russell Westbrook, and Kevin Durant throwing down massive slams just like they did in the actual All-Star game. Literally every one of their dunks in the game were at least ten times more entertaining than any Dunk Contest dunk. The common counterargument against this would be that "You can't make them compete in something that is optional." David Stern single handedly changed the landscape of the NBA with Tradegate and will probably find a way to get the New Orleans Hornets the first pick of the NBA Draft. I'm sure he could coerce the league's feature players to showcase the best the NBA has to offer.

Lastly, I'm tired of these All-Stars not competing because if they lose it will "damage their reputation and image." Michael Jordan, Julius Erving, and Dominique Wilkins did not cement their place in NBA lore by skipping out on the Dunk Contest. They didn't win every time, but by just putting their talents on public display, they exponentially multiplied their popularities. Will the day ever come that someone like LeBron finally grows the balls to be put in the limelight and possibly lose? I just don't know. But until that day comes the Slam Dunk Contest will only share one thing with contests of the past: the name (well if you don't include the sponsors, you know what screw it they are nothing alike, who am I trying to kid).

What is also nothing alike to the Golden Days of the Dunk Contest is the emergence of props. The second rule of the Dunk Contest should be:

2. No props (vehicles, chairs, ladders, medieval moats filled with alligators, etc.) can be used.

Last year a big hoopla was thrown for Blake Griffin who dunked "over" a car. First of all looking back at the tape, how do I not remember a full choir singing "I Believe I Can Fly" in the background? Second of all he jumped over the hood of the car not the roof. Thirdly it just HAD to be a Kia didn't it?

This year's festivities included Derrick Williams dunking over a motorcycle (why Budinger duplicated the exact same dunk without the motorcycle in the next round is beyond me), Chase Budinger dunking over an seemingly intoxicated and new civil rights activist(?) Diddy or whatever he's calling himself today in another sponsored dunk for whatever he was promoting, Jeremy Evans dunking over Kevin Hart who was promoting his own movie, not mention he is also 4 inches away from technically being a little person, and then Budinger again using a blindfold that he and everyone else with a working brain knew he could see under after he missed his first attempt. (I don't count jumping over tall teammates as props, nor do I hate on Paul George's "Tron" dunk because it was actually cool and more importantly IT WAS A GOOD DUNK. How he didn't win with that and dunking over 7'2" Roy Hibbert with the other no-shows doing what they did shall remain a mystery.)

Watch this video and this one as well to become nostalgic and remember what the Dunk Contest use to be all about: dunking! What a novel concept right? There were no illusions, choreographed dance routines, and no sponsors to be seen. It is the most exciting part of basketball in its pure, unadulterated form. Is the problem that players have lost the imagination of these pioneers? I find that very hard to believe. On average the players today are much more athletic than their predecessors, therefore they should be able to do do dunks at an equal or higher difficulty. There is nothing about any one of those dunks in the above videos that would not excite the public today. For the sake of the Dunk Contest and for the sake of the entire NBA, props have to be eradicated like a horde of locusts.

The last rule I have will make the contest much tougher but it's for the best:

3. The time limit gets eliminated and you get a maximum of 3 attempts per dunk.

I was veeeeeeery close to just cutting it down to one attempt but finally decided that would be extremely harsh if someone were to try some Inception-like dunk. I came to this conclusion after watching Derrick Williams struggle for about 6 attempts before he dunked it. At that point I do not care if he is parachuting into the arena and then dunking the ball, whatever he will do will seem awful. You miss the first time the audiences reaction is, "Wow that looked really cool. I hope he makes it this time." That turns into, "He's got to make it right now" after he misses a second time. And then after the third time forget about it. Into the Pity Pit he goes. You just feel bad for the guy and wouldn't mind him just laying it up so he can get off the court with whatever dignity he has left.

Now having said all of this I will still watch the Dunk Contest year after year regardless of the participants because as a basketball fan I am obligated to and you never know, there could be a diamond in the rough waiting to be discovered and explode onto the national scene Jeremy Lin style (you notice the lack of coverage on him since being obliterated by Miami? I enjoy the silence). But until these 3 rules are adapted, the Dunk Contest will never live up to its full potential.

Is this who we want to crown as the NBA's best dunker? 

Didn't think so.

Tackling the Lindemic

Why?

Why has the entire sports world come to a screeching halt for an undrafted basketball player from Harvard?

Why is the Leader of the Free World making public comments about this mystery man? (For the record I nearly gagged when I got a text from ESPN NBA saying that President Obama said that this man's recent success "transcends the sport.")

Why did I just get a text from ESPN saying that he just got 10 points and 13 assists? And why does he get the front page on ESPN.com for this "accomplishment"? This was against the Sacramento Kings. I do not care who you are but that should not get that much attention, but again...he is Jeremy Lin (I refuse to use the term "Linsanity."Any take on the word "insanity" is trademarked by Vince Carter. This is "Vinsanity.")

Jeremy Lin is being hailed as the Messiah of Basketball for New York. I know for a fact that he single-handedly saved Mike D'Antoni's job. He has been the biggest part of a desperately needed 7 game win streak for the Knicks while both Carmelo Anthony and Amare Stoudamire were not playing. I cannot argue that he has brought a consistant buzz and excitement to Madison Square Garden that has not existed there for years. In these 7 games he has averaged 24.4 points and 9.1 assists per game. That's very impressive. The teams he's played though over that same span are about as good as Nicki Minaj's Grammy performance. They have a combined win percentage of .383 with the only good team, and I use that term very hesitantly, is the Los Angeles Lakers. I will give him all the credit in the world for inducing a Mike Breen "BAAAANG!" on Asian Heritage Night in Toronto (strange how they plan things that way...).

Did it only take us a week with football to become so deprived that we needed to create a folkhero? I am very happy for Jeremy Lin and his recent successes but let's stop drinking the purple Kool-Aid for a second and step back and really examine this thing. Is there a chance he can come even close to sustaining this kind of stat-line for 5 games? Sure I could maybe see that. But 15? Or 30? Or into the playoffs? There's just no way. Teams will start to get film on him and play him to his weaknesses like going left or they will try and counter his exceptional ability to split the high pick and roll and go to the basket.

The obvious comparison that has been brought up is Tim Tebow. Both guys were just "not suppose" to succeed in their respective sports but both of them succeeded when they were actually given a fighting chance to show the world what they could do in the spotlight.  Now having said that Lin is producing on a much, much higher level on a much more consistant basis. Lin actually had the same field goals made to attempted (9-20) in his sixth start as Tebow did completions in pass attempts in his sixth start (wait why am I bringing this up...thou shalt not speak of Tebow in vain). Anyways what I'm trying to say is that this level of play can only last for so long. People figure you out pretty easily and then it's the player's job to beat the defender when the defender knows what you are going to do. And you forget that The Center of the Galaxy has yet to be on the same floor as Lin. Carmelo Anthony is a black hole. Lin will NEVER be able to shoot the ball more than 12 times a game at most, which means he will not be able to get to the free throw line were he has thrived so far.

Listen I want Lin to do well and this Linsanity has legitimate legs thanks to the vomiting ESPN has done since this has started. I mean I guess there is only so much you can talk about in today's 24/7 news cycle. But give it a little rest, a little time to marinate before we are crowning Lin as a "miracle" or "savior" for the sport. Come talk to me when he CARRIES his team to the Finals. Or even the playoffs. Or even this level of play for 10 more games.  He has done nothing to deserve any of this over the top credit yet. He's playing well and was misevaluated by NBA scouts. He will never be more than a run-of-the-mill starting point guard. Everyone needs to calm down and breathe, it will all be okay. It will all be over before you know it.

(If you have wondered why my blog posts have been lacking in quantity lately, 3 tests and a 6 page paper in one week will do that to you. School does actually exist despite popular belief. I also received a bid from Delta Kappa Epsilon and have started the pledge process. It has been the best decision in my life and I'm looking forward to the lasting brotherhood that I am now part of, after initiation of course. Expect a more consistant posting schedule in the future)