The NBA is Coming to Town

It's that time again. The time where people care about the NBA for about a month, couldn't care it existed for 3 months, and then cared again for most of the playoffs.

It is a season that has already had it's share of collusion, free-agent acquisitions, the creation of "Lob City," a pissed off but incredibly entertaining Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard flip-flopping more than Mitt Romney about wanting to leave Orlando, people being amnestied because of their dumb contracts, people that should be amnestied because of their dumb contract aka Metta World "I'm Happy Jesus Gave Me the Ability to Have Teeth" Peace, and because of all of this mess the Miami Heat are now slightly flying under the radar if that was possible.

I'm tired of hearing talking heads debate about this season in the same fashion. I'm bored of it. It's all the same stuff being regurgitated in various forms.

So to counter this I think it's time for a quick and painless bullet-pointed preview intertwined with some non-NBA points to spice it up a little.

• The Timberwolves will be a scary team this year. Kevin Love, Michael Beasley, Wesley Johnson, Ricky Rubio, and Darko with Derrick Williams coming off the bench? Not such a bad starting lineup as you would first think especially with this gauntlet-like 66 game schedule. Definitely a team to watch out for.
• The same goes for the Washington Wizards. They now have the best uniforms in the league, a top 5 point guard in John Wall, Nick Young, JaVale McGee, Andray Blatche, Rashard Lewis (who I think could still produce well), and the future first white player to win a Slam Dunk contest since Brent Barry, Jan Vesely.
• In contrast, the Toronto Raptors should just be given the first pick in the draft now out of sheer pity
• If you haven't seen "Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows" yet I highly recommend it. Better than the first one and Guy Ritchie makes this movie a visual masterpiece.
• The Lakers bandwagon has contracted yellow fever or dysentery as if they were the wagon in The Oregon Trail
• The small forwards on the Lakers roster are Matt Barnes, Metta World Peace, Luke "I Get Paid $5.6 Million Dollars To Inbound the Ball" Walton, Jason Kapono, and Devin Ebanks. Their point guards are Derek Fisher, Steve Blake, and Darius Morris. I wish I was making this up.
• So I was watching "The Shining" the other night and one scene caught my full attention and I said to myself, "Holy shit that's David Stern talking!" Let me explain. Jack Torrance (Nicholson) is chasing his wife up the staircase when he says these lines, "Have you ever thought about my responsibilities? Have you ever thought for a single moment. . .about my responsibilities to my employers? Does it matter to you at all. . .that the owners have placed their complete confidence in me. . .and that I have signed a letter of agreement. . .in which I've accepted that responsibility? Do you have the slightest idea. . .what a moral and ethical principal is? Do you? Has it ever occurred to you what would happen to my future. . .if I fail to live up to my responsibilities?" Sends shivers down your spine doesn't it?
• The Thunder are +500 to win the championship
• The Clippers are +1500 to win the championship
• Those are two bets that I would take immediately.
• The NBA is a-changin'. The powerhouses of the last couple years (Lakers, Spurs, Celtics) are starting to be replaced by teams with much younger players and talent. It's not going to be a nice next 5 years for those 3 teams.
• At least one of those 3 teams will be in the lottery.
• If you are a germaphobe, do not see "Contagion."
• What is Fox trying to accomplish with making Napoleon Dynamite into a TV series? The movie came out in 2004. No good will come out of this endeavor.
• Somehow on one fantasy basketball team I ended up with 3 Wizards (Wall, Young, Blatche) and on another team I have 3 Warriors (Steph Curry, Dorell Wright, and David Lee).
• As you can tell I'm high on the Wizards
• Dwight Howard will end up a Laker at some point, but the Lakers will give away both Gasol and Bynum to do so, which will be the final nail in the coffin for the Lakers for a couple of years.
• I still feel bad for the Houston Rockets after Tradegate.
• Christmas Day Predictions: New York over Boston, Miami over Dallas, Chicago over LA Lakers, Oklahoma City over Orlando, LA Clippers over Golden State
• Western Conference Finals: Oklahoma City over Los Angeles...Clippers
• Eastern Conference Finals: Miami over Chicago
• NBA Champion: Miami over Oklahoma City in 6 games
• David Stern will retire at the end of this year or next
• I may be wrong but I feel like the trade debacles with Chris Paul have been forgotten way too easily
• Phil Jackson will be coaching the Knicks by next year

The transfer of power in basketball will happen this year whether you like it or not. The players that we have come to love over the past decade-plus will be retiring soon and these up and coming teams will swoop in and claim their spot on top of the throne. This change will be the main story this year in the always maddening, always unpredictable, but always a topic of vigorous discussion, the NBA.

Merry Christmas, happy sixth night of Hanukkah, happy Kwanzaa tomorrow, and happy belated best holiday ever invented, Festivus.